Dear Ray Ray,
Everyday around 3:15 I begin to get anxious, because I know the phone is about to ring. My wife will be calling to discuss our favorite daily decision, dinner. The dance begins and it is not a sexy one like the tango, or even a sweet side to side shuffle. No, ours is more of a satanic Do-si-do.
“What are you in the mood for?”
“I don’t know, what are you in the mood for?”
Then an unbearably awful silence.
Then…. Then we rack our brains trying to come up with something, but our brains have been working non-stop since we got up at 5 in the morning. My brain needs a break and now I’m upset because I am hungry. Hungry and mad enough to use the god-awful “hangry”, just shoot me already.
“I don’t know, what are you in the mood for?” Damnit
Help us Ray Ray, I don’t know how much longer I can hold onto my sanity.
Sincerely,
Seriously, Just Pick Something Already
Dear Seriously, Just Pick Something Already,
First off, that is way too much attitude in your signature. How about a little less attitude and a little more conversation? If deciding what to eat is your marriage’s biggest hurdle, consider yourself lucky. I have a good mind to tell you to….
But, since you asked, here are couple options. First, you already know what you want, you just know that’s not what she wants. Come up with two things you know she can’t stand, and then tell her all three. Hide your choice in between the two decoys. Bam, you’re chowing down on some street tacos from that shady roach coach that’s missing a tire and catches fire once a month. Trust me, it works 80% of the tyme. At least that’s what my friend tells me. I would never try to manipulate my wife in such a way.
If you aren’t a devious person, considering how you signed your letter I wouldn’t doubt it, here is another option. Find one of those food meal prep services. You know, one of those services your secretary or neighbor just won’t shut up about. We get it Jenny; you don’t have to think about dinner anymore. Good for you, now use those extra minutes and not screw up my coffee order. its 1 sugar, 2 creams.
Or you could just learn 8 easy recipes you can make with a pound of ground beef.