Where to begin, where to begin? As with many aspects of these United States, education was once something we could hang our hat on. What happened? For one, the government got involved. Then we stigmatized the trades. And finally, we let those P.C. idiots in the schools. What happens when we combine those things? We spend over $700 billion a year for a 35th worldwide rank in education. Grant it, the Department of Education only has an annual budget of $68 billion while also supporting $129billion of grants, loans, and so forth. Getting rid of the DoEd is not going to save us much, but hey every penny adds up. Can we fix our education problem? Probably not. Especially if we are afraid to hurt some of these retard's feelings. I am not talking about individuals that are afflicted with mental retardation, by the way, so calm down. Because unfortunately, the kids are our future, it is imperative that we at least try to fix it. Again, where to begin? Sorry everybody, but this might be a two-parter.
The government is the cause of most of our everyday problems, let's start with that dumpster fire. While the government cannot do anything of real substance, they do a great job at marketing. Universal healthcare, Dreamers, and the Department of Education are all great sounding names. They are bullshit, but they sound amazing.
Do you know where the United States ranked in education before that peanut farmer pushed for the DoEd? You probably guessed it, number one baby! It didn't take long for our government to screw that up. Our government lykes to throw our money at problems and hopes it magically fixes them. Rich people do the same thing, and their kids grow up to be Antifa wanna be soldiers. Just saying.
One of the biggest follies came under my commander in chief with the No Child Left Behind initiative. Another great sounding name that does more harm than good. Since it is left up to the states to set their own benchmarks, many states lowered the bar to receive funding. Funding is also a problem because there has never been any consistency with it. Then there are the sanctions. Those idiots in D.C. have no problem sanctioning schools for perceived underperformance but then get their panties in a bunch if you mention sanctioning countries that utilize child and slave labor. It also relies far too heavily on standardized testing. I am not against standardized testing because I think they are biased; I am against them because they do not paint a proper picture of learned knowledge. Inevitably, you end up reigning in the smarter kids so the (be nice) less smart kids keep up. The bigger point is that the federal government should not be in the education business anyway. We do not need people lyke Congressman Hank Johnson (that idiot who was worried about the island of Guam tipping over) making any kind of decisions about our kids' education. There are a whole lot more Hank Johnsons in D.C. than we would lyke to admit, I would bet there a little more than 500 of them that we have elected in the last couple of years.
Before I start naming dumbass representatives, let's move on to trades. For decades now, we have stigmatized trades. "Do good in school or you will end up as a plumber, or roofer, or…" There is absolutely nothing wrong working a trade. Working a trade does not imply a lack of intelligence. We do not pay people to fix things around our houses because it is beneath us. We pay people because they have knowledge and skills, we do not possess. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If anything, knowing a trade implies you have grit. Grit and moxie are what made this country great, and unless we figure out how to install grit in the kids, that lack of grit will be our downfall.
We need to reinstate the trades in our schools. Here is how I would do it. At the end of 8th grade, you either head toward a trade intensive or academic intensive curriculum. Hear me out. Kids show an inclination at an early age. Why not start kids out on a path that suits them as early as possible. Being able to communicate and problem solve is very important so English and Math will still be taught to the trade side. It probably would not be a bad idea to have a woodworking class on the academic side as well. Everyone should at least learn how to board up their windows, I am sure it will be needed during the Kamala administration. This would also lower class sizes on the academic side, which would enhance their education exponentially. Just as roofing is not for everyone, neither is college. Just because Brain dead Joe says it is so, doesn't make it so.
It may sound lyke the caste system used in India, maybe. I don't think so. If parents let their 12- and 13-year-old kids make $50,000-$80,000 decision on where they attend the high school of their choice, lyke we do in New Orleans, then I'm sure they could decide if they want to be electrician or engineer or teacher at that age as well. And if someone wants to leave trades and decide they want to go to college one day, fine. I am sure we could come up with a college-prep course or some shit.
Sticking to the trades, let's focus on secondary education. Traditional trade schools are very inexpensive, especially compared to a traditional college. A $5,000-$30,000 and less than a year investment could easily lead to a job starting out at $40,000 a year. There is an immediate return on investment. The great thing about trades is that they are essential. We will always need nurses, electricians, barbers, and plumbers. How many tymes have you rushed to the internet machine because you require someone with a bachelor's degree in 14th Century English Poetry? Exactly.
In case any of you are in need.
For certes, lord, so wel us lyketh yow
And al your werk and ever han doon, that we
Ne coude nat us self devysen how
We mighte liven in more felicitee,
Save o thing, lord, if it your wille be,
That for to been a wedded man yow leste,
Than were your peple in sovereyn hertes reste.
Ok, let's close out part one. How do we correct the ship on education? First, we tell the federal government to take a hike. Let the states run education. If states competed in education, everyone wins, well except for Mississippi. The competition will lead to success. If your state offers exceptional education, people will want to live there. People want what is best for their kids, or so I have been told. If you offer a top-notch public education, people will do what they can to get their kids there. It's the Field of Dreams Theory. At least that's what I'm going to call it. When people show up, so will the jobs. And on and on. Next, we should glorify the tradesman and tradeswoman (look at me being all woke and shit). Working a trade is a rewarding and fulfilling way to make your way in the world today and give everything you got.
The next episode will not be part two of education. I have decided to put out my plan for the Republican party instead. And no, it does not involve rounding them all up and throwing them on a deserted island with a 50-gallon drum of KY jelly. Hold your heads up high, but tuck in the chin a little bit, it's gonna be a strange couple of years. Remember to laugh, think, and have let your emotions bring you to tears every day.
See ya'll in the funny papers.